You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
