Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
