Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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