she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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