I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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