you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
