Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
