Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
