The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
