my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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