She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
