Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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