We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
