My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
