I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
