You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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