The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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