hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm really busy with my period
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