is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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