Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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