I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had sex on a roof
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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