New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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