just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
