i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
