I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
