I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
