There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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