oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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