what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
