well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
