The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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