I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
