my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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