I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
