we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
