i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want a musical about memes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
