First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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