i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
