well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
