Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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