sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
