you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
