Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
