as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
