Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
