i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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