Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
