omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
