if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
