She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
