this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
why is half of my head shaved?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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