I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
