i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
4 words: hood of his car
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i out mim tonsoeep
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