Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
