How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
