Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
