Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
