trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
